The Graduate School Shuffle

I sit here this frozen morning, coffee cup in hand and healthy oatmeal (my new found friend) within easy reach, thinking ahead to graduate school.  I have begun the process of contacting professors (begging) for reference letters.  I can't imagine how many of these requests any professor gets, but I imagine they get many.  I'm even reaching back to a community college professor, in the hopes of finding three suck... I mean kind-hearted folks willing to take the time out of their lives and help out a former student.  

I've decided to apply to only six graduate programs, not the suggested eight-to-ten you find in all the books and articles about applying to graduate school.  For each application, you can expect to send in between 60-100 dollars, just to be considered.  You don't get that money back if you are accepted or rejected; it's a readers' fee that the college gets to keep.  Most programs ask that you include an essay that covers the following:  which authors inspire you and why and just what, exactly, makes you think you can write a sentence, much less a story that would impress those deciding whether or not you'll get in to their program.  

The most important part of the graduate application:  Your prose.  In most cases, you will include twenty-five pages of prose, at a minimum.  Some programs want more; some a little less.  If you fancy yourself a poet, you submit an equal number of poems.  No one tells you what is likely to sway an application committee member to considering your application as suitable; you can't find examples of what got anyone else into graduate school--anywhere.  (I've decided (unless the rules prohibit it) to publish my winning entry.)